Thoughts and Musings

#personal experience

I have had a very difficult time focusing and being productive during this pandemic. When the pandemic first happened I reacted as a clinician concerned with my clients well being. Not knowing how long we would be shut down for I took many opportunities to continue my education and expand my skill set. That was the first month and a half of the pandemic.

As things went on and got increasingly worse, my husband and I had to take a serious look at our situation and we decided the best thing to do would be to close the clinic and move. Moving is never fun, and moving during a pandemic does not change that.

The first three months of this pandemic I was reacting without taking the space I needed to pause. I still believe we made all the right decisions for ourselves, but I was not honest with myself about what it all meant to me. The following five months..... were emotionally and physically hard for a variety of reasons.

It's now been eight months into this pandemic and I am at a point where I feel like I can start working again. I've had to do a lot of healing to get to this point and I'm still doing it.

I'm opening myself up to anyone who is reading this because, I'm still figuring it out. I want to keep a record of my process. Everyone's journey is unique but maybe reading my experiences will help someone else navigate their own.

I dance with anxiety on a daily basis. Even as I'm writing this, I've got the anxiety sweats. Which is ridiculous because I get to decide if I'm even going to publish this but that's what it is. Anxiety is a wide spectrum of behaviors and triggers and as I said, I'm still navigating my own and at times I find it extremely difficult to discuss because it is encompassing it can be hard to even know where to begin sometimes.

I don't know if I'm going to actually continue to keep a consistent record of my personal thoughts and feelings. To be honest, I hate the internet and the giant void in which we find ourselves screaming into. I want connection with other human beings. People to interact with. I want to know that what I put out there into the void is being heard by someone and hopefully even helps them. At heart I am a massage therapist who connects with people through touch. The pandemic has taken that away from me and I'm trying to figure it out. I don't need a ton of followers, I just want to know what I'm doing is helpful.

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